My perspective as a registered dietitian and mom of three
As parents, we want our children to enjoy a wide variety of foods, because we know how important nutrition is for their growth and development. We might find ourselves frustrated, however, when they flat out refuse to try new foods. While it might be tempting to bargain (“take two more bites and then you can have…”) or reward (“if you finish your broccoli, you can have dessert”) to get your child to eat, this approach often backfires. Here’s why:
Pressure can increases anxiety around food
When children are pressured to eat something they’re unfamiliar with, it can increase anxiety rather than foster curiosity. Imagine being asked to do something you feel uncomfortable with—chances are, it would make you more resistant. Children experience the same feelings when forced to eat foods they don’t want. The more you push, the more they push back.
Studies have shown that pressuring children to eat can lead to negative associations with mealtimes, increasing stress and making them even more reluctant to try new foods. Instead of creating a positive, stress-free environment, pressure tends to make the table a battleground, reducing their willingness to explore new flavors in the future.
It can undermine their natural hunger cues
Children are born with the ability to regulate their food intake by following their hunger and fullness cues, but pressure to eat can interfere with this innate skill. When we push kids to eat when they aren’t hungry, it disrupts their ability to listen to their own bodies. Over time, this can lead to overeating and a negative relationship with food.
Instead of focusing on what and how much your child is eating, trust them to choose from what you have made available. Most often, children will eat a variety of foods and meet their needs when looked at as an average across a few days to a week.
Rewards can lead to an unhealthy relationship with food
“If you eat your vegetables, you can have the brownie”. Who hasn’t said something similar at the dinner table? While it might work in the moment, using food as a reward can backfire. Children who are rewarded for eating vegetables, for example, may develop a stronger preference for the reward (dessert) and a greater dislike for the food they were pressured to eat (vegetables). Rewarding with food for other things, like good behavior at the grocery store or higher grades, can similarly put that food on a pedestal and encourage eating for other reasons than hunger.
It may lead to power struggles
Power struggles at mealtimes are a common challenge for parents. As part of normal development, children will strive for independence, and they may resist eating as a way to assert control. Unfortunately, when mealtimes become consistently contentious, it can lead to negative associations with food. Over time, this tension may not only hinder the development of healthy eating habits, but also contribute to more persistent picky eating behaviors.”
What to do instead
- Offer new foods regularly: Exposure is key. Keep introducing new foods without pressure, and let your child explore at their own pace.
- Model healthy eating: Children are more likely to try new foods when they see their parents and siblings enjoying them. Make new foods a regular part of family meals.
- Involve them in the process: Letting kids help with meal prep or grocery shopping can make them more interested in trying the foods they’ve helped choose or prepare.
- Create a relaxed environment: Keep mealtimes stress-free by focusing on family connection rather than what or how much your child is eating.
- Trust their appetite: Allow your child to listen to their hunger cues and trust that they will eat when they’re hungry. Avoid forcing them to clean their plate or try a specific food.
Final thoughts
Keep the long-term goal in mind. While it can be frustrating to see your child reject certain foods, patience and trust in their natural curiosity are key. By creating a positive, pressure-free mealtime environment, you help foster a healthy relationship with food. Over time, their openness to trying new things will likely grow.
However, if your child exhibits signs of extreme picky eating, it’s important to pay closer attention. Extreme picky eating goes beyond typical food preferences and may include consistent refusal of entire food groups, extreme sensitivity to textures or smells, or strong emotional reactions like anxiety, gagging, or tantrums when faced with certain foods. If this is the case, consider seeking advice from a healthcare professional, as extreme picky eating may be linked to underlying sensory issues or feeding disorders. The goal remains the same: to create a supportive, low-pressure environment where your child feels safe exploring new foods. With the right approach—focusing on patience, encouragement, and gentle exposure—you can help your child make gradual progress toward healthier eating habits.
